After being dumped, Drinky Crow cuts out his eyes and replaces them with beer goggles so that he can date a hideous bar skank without being disgusted with himself.

Drinky Crow wakes up one morning and remembers his new girlfriend being torn apart by a whale. He turns his story into a hit whale show at a marine theme park which appeals to teenagers that only respond to sex, violence, and meta-humor.

During a another battle against the French, Uncle Gabby gives Drinky Crow a hernia. Feeling guilt for the first time, he orders a "Monkey God" off of the internet, to give him a clear sense of right and wrong.

Phoebe convinces Drinky Crow to quit drinking, which infuriates his brain. Meanwhile, Uncle Gabby falls in love with DeBoursay, a French spy currently locked up in a cage.

Drinky Crow reunites with his ex-girlfriend, Claire. Meanwhile, Uncle Gabby has plans to marry Captain's Daughter.

Uncle Gabby dates a girl who is looking for a cheap thrill before her wedding night, while a harem of girls who can turn into a race car try to seduce Drinky Crow.

After being dumped once again, Drinky Crow calls a suicide hotline and becomes friends with a victim of Proteus syndrome named Elephant Man. Uncle Gabby gets jealous, and befriends him too.

The Maak's Place bar is shutting down in three days due to lack of customers, so Drinky Crow comes up with a plan to bring American college students to the bar.

Drinky Crow must solve two mysteries – where are the ship's rats coming from and where is the French spy DeBoursay hiding her atomic reactor. The two solutions are as surprising as they are disgusting.

When Peace breaks out, Drinky Crow discovers his girlfriend is expecting eggs, and joins a torture and revenge racket to make ends meet.