Argumentative old Cuss Albert Haddock proves that a cheque written on the side of a cow is legal tender.

Haddock plays a terrible round of golf, resulting in a public display of swearing that leads to him being charged under the Profane Oaths Act, which carries large fines for gentlemen. He sets out to prove that playing golf reduces a gentleman to act a fool, and that while playing, he is not legally a gentleman.

Haddock has an altercation with a motorist is driving along the Mall while it is inundated, and Haddock in a small boat. The Law of the Road and the Law of the Sea conflict when giving way, the motorist is deflected off the road, and his vehicle is 'drowned' by entering deeper water. Naturally, a case ensues.

To prove that he is still fighting fit, Haddock jumps into the Thames from Hammersmith Bridge. Found guilty on two charges, he must defend himself, on appeal, from charges of obstruction and spoiling a Regatta.