There's a man in the flat – looking very fetching in just his stylish underwear – but neither Linda nor Tom can remember picking him up at the nightclub.

Tom believes he's got the break he's been waiting for when he has an audition to play a hooligan in a TV Crimewatch reconstruction, while Linda receives a declaration of love from a secret admirer, who she assumes to be her happily married neighbour Jez. She tries (one of many times) to attract his attention with her classy bright green PVC catsuit while he insults his wife Suze by yelling ""shutup you rake!""

Tom has broken his leg (which prevented him attending a Crimewatch UK audition) and requires the attentions of a home help – a suicidal, self-pitying man called Shirley (Morgan Jones). Linda loses her job as a receptionist at Fast Track but is cheered up when she scores with motorcycle courier Joe (Adrian Bower), until she discovers he is religious.

Linda's slapper of a sister Sugar comes to stay, which leads to outbursts of sibling rivalry and bitterness from Linda... Until it emerges that Sugar has links to the stars, including Liam Gallagher's phone number!

Tom is worried that he's getting old and boring, so goes out on the pull, clubbing. Linda stays in and tries to chat up Jez, calling upon her knowledge of black heritage to help her. Or not. Tom ends up with an Italian stud, or so he thinks.

Linda is jealous when Tom starts spending time with another woman, even more so when he announces he is going to marry her. The wedding ends up being a sham, but Linda is offered the job of a lifetime. With a fab dream sequence where they appear on the Terry Clinger show.

Tom and Linda dream up their ideal New Year's parties, but end up just sitting indoors, watching television and playing charades.